I'm Brittany. A single mom to 3 amazing kiddos, Violet (7), Levi (4) & Cove (4). I am originally from Wisconsin but came out to California when I was 19 to go to rehab which is how I met my soon to be ex husband. We were married for 9 years and are going on month 16 of a very nasty divorce. A lot of factors played into our divorce. Physical, emotional, financial abuse as well as gaslighting and of course addiction.
I've battled with addiction since I first took a sip of alcohol at the age of 13. By 19, I had gone to treatment twice for alcohol & cocaine. I met my ex husband who is the father to our 3 children in sober living at 19. We had a rough start to our relationship. Ended up getting kicked out of sober living, were homeless together & eventually moved back to WI together. We had a sober wedding but didn't really quit drinking until right before I got pregnant with our daughter. I was sober for the first 3 years of her life & then we found out we were pregnant with twins. It was the shock of a lifetime, that's for sure. Shortly after they were born, I picked up drinking again as a way to try and manage the stress of all of a sudden being a mom to 3 children instead of 1. Almost instantly it started spiraling out of control again and by the time the twins were 1, we were drinking every single night. By the time they were 2 I had started drinking the day as well and by the time they were 3 I had lost all custody because of my alcoholism.
On November 13th, 2019 I showed up to court on an ex parte (emergency court hearing) that my ex had filed. I was not served papers and had no idea what I was going into. I didn't have money to pay for representation so I showed up without an attorney. I thought everything was fine until I walked out of the court room & looked down at the papers & saw that it said supervised visits only. You think losing custody of your children would make you stop drinking right then & there but sadly the first thing I did after finding out was pick up a drink. I drank all day & all night until finally I was ready to accept the fact that I needed help. The next day I emptied my bank account & paid out of pocket to check myself into a detox. My blood alcohol was a .457 when I checked in. That percentage is fatal but to me, I was still functioning & walking. I can't tell you an exact amount I used to drink but that BAC speaks for itself.
I completed the 2 week detox treatment and unfortunately had no money to stay any longer. I also had no money to afford my condo as I had emptied my bank account so I had 2 options. Either leave detox & be homeless or move back in with my ex. Remind you, my ex took my kids away from me because he claimed I was unfit to parent. If he really thought that & was scared for our children's safety he wouldn't have let me move back in. Did I want to go back to him? Back to that house? Did I think it would be good for my mental health & sobriety? No. But I wanted to be with my kids & I was willing to do anything to make that happen. So on Thanksgiving Day 2019, I left detox & moved back in with him. I remember that day and although I was happy to be with my kids, inside I was miserable. I felt like a failure. I felt defeated. But I pushed through it. I went to meetings, got a sponsor and was almost about to have 60 days when I... relapsed.
In January I got to shoot my very first ever destination wedding. I was SO excited about it as this was a dream come true for me. I had all good intentions of me staying sober while I was there until I got to my room. When the bell guy opened the door for me, right in front of me was a full bar. Like, full size bottles of multiple different liquors and a stocked fridge full of beer. I remember the bell guy asking me if I needed anything else & then as quick as he had opened the door, I had shut it on him. Immediately I sprinted towards the bar and started downing the